The Courage to be Happy

Favourite Quotes

“I know that my knowledge is not complete. I know my own ignorance” - Socrates, p. 10

Detailed Summary

Part 1: That Bad Person and Poor Me

• self-reliance is the objective of education - p. 15
• relationships are based on respect - p. 26
• “it is your now that decides the past” - p. 50
• most people in therapy sessions talk of one of two things: ‘that bad person’, or ‘poor me’. What you need to focus on instead is “what should I do from now on” p. 58

Part II: Why Negate Reward and Punishment

• 5 stages of problem behavior (in the context of students / children)
  1. demand for admiration
     1. they want praise for their good actions
     2. what happens if they don’t receive praise? They get bitter and resentful and engage in bad behavior
  2. Attention drawing
     1. they think ‘it’s ok not to be praised’ because they receive none, so they try to make themselves stand out by doing something bad
     2. they’d rather be rebuked than be ignored
  3. Power struggles
     1. they start ‘battles’
     2. they provoke parents/teachers by swearing/yelling. They commit petty crimes like shoplifting.
     3. Passive children might just perform disobedience. Ex, not doing homework even when asked repeatedly
  4. Revenge
     1. If they lose the ‘battles’ they plot revenge
     2. this is an expression of no love. Because of no praise and no attention, they decide “I’ll make them all hate me”
     3. self-harm and social withdrawal also can happen here. It’s a way for the child to get revenge from their parents because the parents will worry and fell bad for them
  5. Proof of incompetence
     1. if they are getting no attention whatsoever, they turn to acting as if they are incompetent
     2. further explained on page 85-86

Part III: From the Principle of Competition to the Principle of Cooperation

• you should be a friend to your students

Part IV: Give, and It Shall Be Given Unto You

• all problems are interpersonal relationship problems. Does that mean we can just cut ties with everyone? No! Because at the same time, all joy/happiness is interpersonal relationship joy - p. 160

Part V: Choose a Life You Love

• you must go from ‘me’ to ‘us’, this is self-reliance
• self-reliance is breaking away from self-centeredness - p. 228
• community feeling is social interest, it is concern for society and concern for others
• it is through love that we are liberated from ‘me’, that we achieve self-reliance, and truly accept the world - p. 228
• love is a task accomplished by two people. We must not pursue the happiness of ‘me’ or the happiness of ‘you’, but the happiness of ‘us’
• it is through loving others that we at last become adults - p. 236
• love is self-reliance. It is to become an adult. - p. 236
• love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love - p. 243
• If I have the courage to be happy, I will be able to love someone, and I will re-choose my life. I’ll achieve true self-reliance - p. 259
• The world is simple, and life is too. But also, keeping it simple is difficult - p. 261

Actionable Things

1. pursue the happiness of ‘us’, i.e. myself and my life partner.